Dating advice

Hi Codepink,

I'll try my best to give advice based on other info in your post.

You know who you are, have your own expression, and feel comfortable with being yourself. Thats I think the first step in any relationship: Knowing yourself: self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-confidence, and self-image. All these things you have.

Second I think is knowing the details in potential mates, Knowing who they are, could be, or will be. Know that you know who you are, what type of person are you attracted to? What type of personality is good with you, who fits with you, who can you enjoy everyday, who is attractive to you?

Third look at people that already know you first. Look at the people around you, see who is available, that might fit in with your personality type, that knows you for who you are.

Fourth, Or if there is no one, its time to meet new people that still fit into your compatible personality type. If this is the case, besides getting to know you, revealing who you are will be part of the getting to know each other, a test of knowledge. So there is sorta a test of getting to know each other, from trivial at first, to deeply, if you find each other clicking (compatibility). Finding out if they are available, there must be a test of availibility, unless you plan on taking the offense to "steal" a mate away from someone else.  Besides the additional test of compatibility, meeting new people will require a test of acceptance (vs those that already know, are compatibile, and accept you) .

Fifth is to be or go to places where others, especially higher number of compatible/available candidates might be.
You have surrounded yourself with people that feel comfortable being yourself. I would start there. In this group of people, is there anyone that catches your interest?

If approaching and asking out on dates isnt your thing, try approaching and just talking. Get to know potential people, and share something about yourself. It can start out small, like bumping into each other. Or asking about something. Asking for help. Maybe ask one general question. Then you can try bumping in again, see if there is any response.  Or casually invite to something like eat together, study together, work together, or just hang out together. You might find out if they are available, compatible, and accepting all within these few encounters. As well as get to know a little about them.

Try doing things, social gatherings, and community events that naturally draws together people that feel naturally compatible with you. And dont be afraid to ask for or give out phone numbers, or introducing yourself. Or just talking to each other.

If there is any spark, then you can naturally pour on the effort and do some common things together.

Like the song said "love is a battlefield".

KK

Hi Janis,
Yes I think knowing some major details, would help greatly help target then "weed out" what your looking for. I am no dating expert, but I will add some tips with or in addition to emerald's and laurie's. I will use the who, what, when, where, how questions method.

Who you are
1.) The "plumbing" your looking for is male, as you said. Your gender expression and identiy is androgynous, from what you wrote. A few more details such as social, political, and religious stances may also be important to you

What your attracted to and desire
2.) Your androgynic personality and gender is important in any relationship. You would have to look into defining what you would expect or desire; gender role, possibly family offspring wise, aggression vs submission. And what type of partner would fit you best.
3.) I think there are more bisexual/lesbian/gay persons then there are transgender, so having many is to be expected.
4.) I do believe for every personality/gender/orientation there is a type of person (maybe not in the same location) there is a good matching personality type.

When you are looking for someone
5.) The amount of time and chances that you take to meet someone can affect what your chances to meet someone are. If its seldom looking or trying, one would guess that by increasing your searching methods can help. Increase the number of opportunities and advertising, can help.

Where you meet or look
6.) I think finding Where the targets/candidates with such attributes as to be compatible to you are most numerous, is also important. Like the expression goes, "looking for love in all the wrong places." Hunt and find the "right places". Androgynous music (music stores, concerts, dance clubs), art (gallaries, classes), manga (bookstores or library), gothic, tg clubs and groups, college (more gender variant people likely to be public)
7.) The size of your town, city, and type of people that predominately live around you can help or hinder meeting others too. And finding, visiting, or communicating in additional places can help. (taking a trip to the city if live in rural area)

How you look for someone
8.) Similar likes/dislikes/hobbies/activities I think are also vital. So maybe developing or learning a new hobby, joining new social groups, or trying new things that are more likely to attract those you would enjoy can also help. (Take a class, spend some money on trying or going someplace, visit new places)
9.) And I think even enlisting Friends to be on the lookout for a type person that you would love to meet can help to. Telling them "I would love to meet a person that is ..X...Y...Z can help get you set up into something potentially fun and matching.

Well thats my dating and hunting advice. There are androynous boys/men/androgynes out there like emerald and laurie says, searching for likewise girls. Ones that would fit your personality, communication style, and partnership roles.

Although we cant advertise your details and help you find someone here (there are plenty of other sites for that) as per rule 14, we can give you some good advice, sympathy, and share similar experiences.

KK